Happy Kids Make Happy Parents

Rainbow chicken duck

Quack quack

Sauce face

Mummy's girl

Happy, smiley girl

Linking up with the wonderful Trish for Wordless Wednesday.

Marching To My Own Beat #marchownbeat

Laney from Crash Test Mummy has a wonderful find yourself challenge for the month of March. Having a couple of weeks off from blogging means its catch up time! Here are my posts so far;

1. Before I was a mum...

Festivals, parties, clubbing, working and studying were my life. I had a Diploma of Community Welfare Work under my belt, dropped out of uni mid first semester and was working for a mango company. The mister and I went away with my old work to stay on two mango farms just one week after finding out I was pregnant with lufflump. I was the admin bitch and he was the sticker boy.

2. Before I was a mum I used to... spend my spare time partying. I lived week to week financially with all my money going towards my partying lifestyle. When I found out I was pregnant I was living with an asshole housemate and planned on moving in with either the mister or by myself again once the lease was up. I was working in a job I found boring in an industry I really had no interest in. I also sold industry tickets for festivals and clubs which, of course, I attended. Our whole life revolved around each other and partying. The mister and I were together for less than six months when we found out I was pregnant and babies were definitely the last thing on our minds.

3. I've always regretted not... saving money or traveling. I also wish the mister and I had more time as a couple together focusing on just us without babies being on our minds. 

4. The most important lesson I've learnt in my life so far... would be to just wing it especially with kids. There will always be something that will happen that couldn't be planned for. Just wing it. 

5. The craziest thing I've done... probably my lifestyle before kids. It was getting a tad out of hand, a bit too much. Lufflump saved us.

6. I did... live by myself when I was told I couldn't... and didn't think I could myself. I loved it and at times I do miss it. It was my unit, my tiny over priced unit full of my stuff. All me. I was living alone when I met the mister so it was a special time which I look back fondly upon.

7. I knew exactly what to do and I knew it was right... removing certain people from my life. Toxic, selfish people are energy wasters and I realised that for me to live pleasantly they couldn't be included. It was also important to delete these people from my life for other relationships to grow. Best thing ever.

                                                                                                                           

Second week of the Crash Test Mummy March To Your Own Beat is quite positive! I'm really enjoying this challenge, it's making me think, revisit wonderful memories and look towards the future. Quite cleansing indeed.

Before children I stuck my tongue out a lot

8. More than anything I really want to do something about... my fitness and health.

Before I had kids I was unhealthy due to my unhealthy lifestyle. My exercise, apart from walking to and from work or public transport (10mins) was usually done under the influence when I would dance for hours and hours. I smoked, drank too much coffee and alcohol and ate way too much fast food. My body was not a temple, it was a bin.

Now I still eat too much take away BUT I don't smoke or often drink alcohol so that is a good start. I would like to eat more salads, more steaks, more veggies and less sugar. I have goals and plans. There is a roller derby fresh meat intake in June that I would love to go for. My dream is to play roller derby. I have a bunch of exercise DVDs to exercise to, I plan on buying skates as soon as we can afford them, I have a list of close parks that we will walk to daily and I'll be doing the Ease Into 5K app once I can FINALLY start exercising! Do I really have to wait six weeks?

9. The values that are most important to me are... all listed in my Simplify Your Life Week Four post.

10. My proudest moment... apart from having my babies it would probably be completing my diploma. I loved everything about that diploma; the people and the study especially. I'd do it all again in flash.

11. I want to be remembered for... more than the mum I am or the party girl I was. I'm still not too sure what the answer is to this but I hope whatever it is would be positive.

12. Time stands still when... I'm on a date with the mister, whether it be at home or out. When it's just us two, a couple rather than parents.

13. My most treasured possession... are my photos. Always have been and always will be.

14. Something I was totally and emotionally committed to... my friendships and family. Some friendships continue although we don't physically catch up often. I still cherish these friendships and I hope that's common knowledge.

                                                                                                                           

Third week and I've been really looking forward to it! This challenge is just so much fun and I've enjoyed reading Laney and everyone else's responses (although I haven't commented - sorry!).

15. If I was an animal I'd be a... cat. Cats know themselves. They have attitude unless they want something from you, like food or cuddles. They also sleep a lot. I like and respect that.

My cat, Rhani

16. If I could have any role/job I would be... either an employee or owner of a dual diagnosis rehabilitation centre here in Queensland. The lack of facilities for people who have both an addiction and mental illness is dangerous. People are slipping through the cracks in rehabs and mental health units as neither of them have the capacity to deal with the other problem (e.g. mental health units are not rehabs). Of course I would need to do further study but this is my dream. The further study will have to wait until I can do full time on campus study.

17. My hidden talent is... really hidden. I'm not too sure I have one. I can read people in situations well I guess. I honestly don't think I have a hidden talent.

18. The most creative thing I've ever done is... this blog. When I was younger I was really into writing an wrote short stories almost daily. I have no idea where they all are now and they are probably hopeless but that and my journals were my creative outlet. Now I have this blog and I love it. It's my third baby.

19. People come to me when they need help with... problems, I guess. People used to come to me back when I was social but now that I'm a hermit not too many people do. Lately it's been about blogging and social media but before it was relationships; friends and partners.

20. The sorts of problems I like to solve are... factual. Sudoku, crosswords and those type of problems. In life I like anything psychological which I try to decipher although often I don't. I have a short attention span and don't like feeling frustrated so I lose interest in any problems that are long or frustrating.

21. Someone else thinks I'm good at... parenting. They don't necessarily live with me though ;p

                                                                                                                           

Week four of March already. It's gone way too fast! Laney has made this week interesting with a quiz from Oprah which I'm off to do now. 

Your dog does not look ready for a change, Oprah!
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Your Result:

Ready for Change

Congratulations! You understand an important truth: Everyone feels fear. And you know that the secret to success is not letting fear stop you. With practice, you've developed the courage you need to move forward despite your anxieties. Your confidence will allow you to explore other paths and stay the course when you encounter bumps on the road.

Wow. I don't know what I expected but I don't think it was that. As far as I was concerned the only change I'm happy about is moving houses every year or so. Mind you this quiz was mainly about work and I don't have a job or any prospects so maybe it wasn't quite relevant. I did answer it as I feel right now.

I am changing. I can feel it in my bones. I want to be healthier. I want to be fitter. I dream about roller derby. I read updates daily about bouts, injuries and derby girls. I walk around my town looking at the footpaths to gauge the state they are in and where I'll most likely stack it. Change is in the air. Now I need the funds to buy shoes, gym clothes and my derby gear. I also need my body to heal. It's been four weeks since I gave birth and a walk around the block puts my body into shock. I don't want to wait any longer, I'm determined now, I have motivation now. I know I will wait but I've never been a patient person.

Change is exciting. This time anyway. I've never been so motivated or drawn towards a goal. I'm thrilled to have a goal ahead that will enhance my life which will, hopefully, in turn enhance my family's. 

Asthma

Lufflump is sick. He's just been put on a combination of antibiotics to battle his ear infection and bronchiolitis.

For parents who each suffered with chronic asthma as children this is scary. It could be the start of many hospital trips, saying no to a variety of sports, interrupted nights with scary looking machines, and a lifelong of 'have you remembered your puffer'. Everything we had that we don't want for him.

Asthma is like diabetes or a mental illness. It's often not taken serious enough. Asthma, like diabetes and mental illnesses, can, has and will kill people. Yet it's often seen as what nerds have, like braces and glasses. Coming from someone who has had all three I can safely say that braces and glasses are a hell of a lot easier to live with than asthma, even mild asthma. 

Lufflump isn't just predisposed to asthma either. The mister and I have allergies too. When I'm pregnant mine really flares up to the point I can't open my eyes from hay fever. So our poor children are predisposed to two respiratory diseases. 

Now that lufflump has bronchiolitis he's 20% more likely to have asthma. There is no doubt in my mind he won't be spared and will at some point have to carry around preventatives and interventions like the mister and I both had to. That scares me. Asthma attacks are damn scary. 

We have to start watching him now, if he coughs daily or wheezes it means a diagnosis is most likely right around the corner. A diagnosis means we have to be more organised as a family, puffers and preventatives at home, in each of our bags and in the car. All within easy reach just in case.

Fuck, just in case sounds horrible. 

Just. In. Case.

Yet we are lucky. There are very sick children all around the world. We have just in case but they don't. For that I am sad yet grateful. Children shouldn't get sick.

This is just dribble. Typed because I can't think of anything else at the moment. Typed without editing. Typed as the thoughts enter my head and leave through my fingers. Thoughts I wish I didn't have.

Important Message for All

Want to play? Join in the fun - Faith Hope & a Whole Lotta Love and My Little Drummer Boys. I haven't linked up this week simply because it's not entirely wordless :)

While The Child Was Away

Just before New Years lufflump went on a holiday with my mum, lufflump's Noni, and her boyfriend to my grandparent's house near Port Macquarie. It was the longest time lufflump and I have been apart, three days and two nights.

The mister and I shared two full days and one night together (he still had to work). We spent a whole day shopping, slept in and went to a friend's party. Bliss.

After sleeping in

The break was great but they somehow managed to bring back the wrong kid. Lufflump went away a lovely child and has come back a terror. Worming him will hopefully work or Noni had better get used to babysitting a whole lot more often.

I did learn some valuable lessons while lufflump was being corrupted and I'm kind enough to share them with you. 

I slept for more than four hours straight and deeply. There was no waking me for anything. The mister gave me my tablets and I don't remember a thing. The whole house could have been ransacked and I would have slept quite peacefully through it. We even slept in until 9am! Energy was back with a vengeance. Was.

We constantly forgot that lufflump wasn't with us, it was like he was just sleeping A LOT. We even had a near freak out thinking he'd run off at the shops. If either of us talked loudly the other person would go to quiet them. Not once either. When driving I found myself turning the music down and checking that lufflump was still sleeping. It's also VERY strange looking in the backseat and not seeing a carseat.

Having a to-do list that includes anything but sleep, read, watch movies, listen to music, pee alone, and be lazy is pointless. Housework CAN be done when the child is home, the above peacefully cannot.

We not only bought lufflump a whole new wardrobe but discussed our fears, hopes and dreams for him. We realised just how much we love co-sleeping, that the hugs and kisses are worth the occasional kicks.

The mister and I watched 'Friends With Kids'. It was torture not being able to give lufflump a cuddle after bawling my eyes out. The only movies to be watched while the child is away should involve violence, sex, foul language and horror. Nothing with children.

The mister and I were able to reconnect as a couple, complete with butterflies on my behalf. We were relaxed without the usual daily stresses that comes with being parents. We held hands while shopping, giggled together, hugged and kissed at every opportunity and fell asleep holding hands like we used to before children. It felt like new love, but better.

Since lufflump was conceived our whole life has changed and continues to change. While it can be tough at times, it's so very rewarding. Everything we do is with him in mind and we wouldn't change it for anything. He makes life worth living and his sister will only add to that.

Have you learned anything from a child free break?

Simplify Your Life Week One #syl12

The wonderful Deb from Home Life Simplified has launched her 52 Weeks to Simplifying Your Life challenge which I am so excited for! The challenge for week one is to reflect back on 2011 in a positive light. In late 2011 I reflected on the past year but didn't focus so much on me and the positives. 

I thought this task would be easier than it actually was. I do feel a lot better after this exercise though. Maybe 2011 wasn't as negative as I think.

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Reclaiming my life from anxiety and getting the house organised. I can now go out and not get anxious, something I could only dream of at the beginning of 2011. We live in a small space that can easily feel cluttered which clutters our minds. Organising, decluttering and donating material possessions that we just don't need or use really created a better energy in our household.

Seeing lufflump go from a shy, awkward child to the outgoing, adventurous child he is today. His growth has been amazing and beyond our wildest dreams. The mister is in a good place as well with work and getting back into fitness. Finding out about sesame and watching her and my belly's growth has been a joy. Learning and growing through my blog has definitely made me happy.

Lowering expectations of self, events and others has given the mister and I both peace this year. We've been able to find a medium where we expect less but with the respect we believe we deserve to get. I'm still learning to focus my energy positively and not waste it negatively.

The mister continued and continues to be a positive influence in my life. Through blogging I've met many positive people who have helped enrich my life. In 2011 I decided I didn't want negative 'friends' in my life so did a big reassessment and culled those negative people out of my life. It was very cleansing moment and continues to be.

Luckily lufflump still naps which allows me to also nap which has been necessary during this pregnancy. I've also been lucky to have almost weekly day dates with the mister. Lufflump also has had some overnight dates allowing relaxation and rejuvenation. I also discovered the simple beauty of a nice hot, private shower for a quick feel good fix.

This a constant change with new challenges often due to lufflump's development, my health and the mister's work schedule. The mister and I have always worked well as a team; encouraging, communicating with and being supportive of each other. Disagreements are discussed but not dwelled upon. Sitting back, trusting and allowing him to parent the way he believes is best and him doing the same with me makes our family work. If one of us says or does something the other backs them up. Luckily for us we parent similar and where we don't it balances out.

Starting and growing my blog motivated me and gave me the excitement I lacked in other areas of my life. Forming connections over social media with amazing women was definitely a highlight of 2011 for me.

I learned to trust my body more, I am stronger than I think, no one is a perfect parent and that life is what you make it. A big lesson for me was from the floods; I realised that things, material possessions, are just things and don't make up for love or family. That helped me begin the declutter process in my home and life.

I was and am grateful for my wealth, health, family, friends and freedom we have in this country. We are, in fact, living the lucky life!

Lower That Expectation Height

Lately I've been thinking a lot about expectations. Expectations for oneself, other adults and children. Are they positive?

I know that expectations have let me down many times before. The mister and I no longer go to festivals with expectations as we were being let down constantly. Since making that choice we have enjoyed every festival we have been to, in fact they've been right up the top. I also know that expectations have let me down with friends and family as I'm sure their expectations of me have let them down too.

I have high expectations of myself and I constantly let myself down. I expect myself to be a better parent, I lie in bed every morning saying that today will be different, that today lufflump and I will spend the whole day doing crafts. I beat myself up that the house is rarely spotless, that washing is rarely folded and put away, that the benches have crumbs on them and the floor needs to be mopped. Lufflump will have an apple and orange for dinner and I'll hate myself just a little bit more because I didn't cook even though he's quite happy with his healthy dinner.

I have unrealistic expectations of lufflump and I shouldn't. I expect him to eat what I serve ALL THE TIME. I expect him to enjoy doing crafts when we do them. My expectations of him cause me not to go out in public with him alone. I can't control what he does and I don't want to be that frazzled mother people pity or despise in shopping centres. 

You know what I realised the other day? I had a 'aha' moment when I realised that toddlers can't control their impulses, they don't have patience or understanding why they can't just have what they want EVERY time. Adults, however, can but we shouldn't expect that toddlers can. Much of my anxiety comes from what society expects of parents and children. The expectations are irrational and damaging. 

I never used to care about living up to stereotypes before children. Now being and looking like a young mother (who out some could assume is a single mum) I am anxious about living up to the 'stupid young, naive mother' stereotype. I don't want to experience a meltdown in the shopping centre by myself, because that's not what society expects of a good mother and child. I'm fine experiencing a meltdown with the mister there as one of us can escape with lufflump or we can work it out together. At least that's the expectation anyway.

These may be my problems, my expectations but it's not just me. The stares people give the parents of crying babies in shopping centres. The shaking of the heads at the toddler screaming for a lollipop. The tsk tsks towards a stressed mum running towards the toilets with a wet pants child. 

When lufflump and I used to catch the bus to daycare we used to play in the shopping centre before it opened. We'd go up and down the escalators, look at the sliding ads and make funny faces in the glass windows. Once an old lady gave HIM a death stare, he was running a few steps ahead of me giggling. She stopped and gave a two year old a death stare for being a toddler. Who gives a toddler a death stare? What are her expectations of children? Sit down and shut up? Is that still people's expectations? 

This face does not deserve a death stare!

If lufflump was a few years older and noticed he was copping a death stare how would he have felt? He wasn't doing anything wrong, how does that help his self esteem? No doubt it would confuse and hurt him. How do you explain that to a child? All because of some lady's ridiculous expectations of children. 

My point here (sorry for the random rant) is that maybe we all need to reassess our expectations, of ourselves and others. Maybe it will help my anxiety, maybe it will save a parent from feeling like shit, maybe it will help a child's self esteem, maybe it will save a life. 

Do you have high expectations?

Bad Mother

It's been a bit of mother guilt sharing this week with posts from Holly, Glow, and Mich all admitting they feel incapable at times with this thing we have in common; motherhood. I'm joining in and am going to be brutally honest (again). This isn't a pity party, this is reality.

I've had a few jobs pre-children, some I was awesome at and some I sucked. The ones I loved happened to be the ones I was good at and the ones I hated I was shit at. If I loved the work I'd work my ass off, if I didn't I'd procrastinate and do a half assed job. It's the same with study units for school, TAFE and uni.

I've always known I want children. One of my greatest fears was not having the physical ability to. I always said I would never abort because I'd feel selfish as so many women are unable to have children (in saying that I don't expect others to feel the same or judge anyone who aborts, I'm a firm pro-choicer). I wanted to have children young and when I was eighteen I wanted at least four what did I know?!. I would tell everyone I wanted to be a mother, a stay at home mum in fact.

Now I am living my dream and while I appreciate it and love it, I don't think it's always for me. Sometimes I think I hate it as I get bored and procrastinate like I used to in jobs I didn't like. I have trouble being mindful and 'in the moment'. I find myself multi-tasking too much when I should be focusing all my attention on lufflump.

I'm not raising my son 100% the way I'd like to. He watches too many movies and doesn't read enough books. Sometimes he eats food full of preservatives purely because it's easier and he won't make a fuss. We don't do as much sensory or imaginative play as I'd like. We don't paint or draw as much as some kids.

I worry that the reason he isn't talking is because I'm inadequate as a mother. Because I don't sit down and play flashcards with him everyday. Or maybe it's because he doesn't read enough. Or he watches too much TV or any at all. Maybe I'm talking to him wrong or letting him communicate too well without talking. It's got to be my fault doesn't it?

Often we don't go anywhere. The furthest we will venture out of the house is the letterbox or the backyard. Maybe he needs more outside time? Do we play outside wrong? Is playing with water, sand, rocks and toys enough? Should we be making stories up as well or is he already but can't tell me.

Does he have to fall asleep with me next to him because he feels it's the only time he has my full attention and affection? Is it a sign he's insecure and doesn't feel safe alone?

Does he think I ignore him? Does he feel enough love from his parents? Will he grow up secure and safe knowing we will always love and be there for him?

Even though I think and know all this I don't change. What's wrong with me? If lufflump was an unhappy child would I change? He laughs and smiles a lot, only cries for a reason and has never been very demanding so am I worrying about nothing? Or is he (can he?) at the age of two hiding his unhappiness?

He goes to daycare twice a week. If we could afford it I'd send him more purely because I think he benefits more from there than from me. He's mentally grown so much since starting there and I don't think he would have from being at home.

I guess that sometimes being a mother sucks.

I found this in Mother and Baby mag after writing this post. Maybe it's not just me.