I am not religious. I find religions interesting, like I do cults, but it's just not for me. The closest I've ever gotten and will ever get is Buddhism. To me, it's a lifestyle choice rather than religion. If you are into religion and it enriches your life then I'm happy for you and think you should continue your journey. I'm not here to judge, unless you are into scientology. Blame Tom Cruise.
Anyway, regardless of my non-religious quest in life I, like everyone else in this fine country, have encountered religion. I have taken some aspects of it, like 'love thy neighbour' and 'murder is bad', and incorporated them into my daily life.
One I am trying to incorporate more is the Serenity Prayer.
I first heard and muttered the Serenity Prayer at a detox where I did my TAFE work placement at. It didn't change my life instantly but I did fall in love with it.
I'm a control freak and have anxiety due to my control freakiness. This 'prayer' speaks to me and really I should have it tattooed to my inner eyelids so I can read it when I sleep. Maybe not. Ouch. Ok, I should have it repeated all night into headphones so I can hear it while I sleep. Yep, that sounds less painful, believable and workable.
The Serenity Prayer is;
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference.
I have wisdom. Yay! I thought the dentist removed that. Four times.
Ok, good start so far.
I think I have some courage. I have made some great changes in my life which have benefited not only me, but also my family.
Ok, two out of three ain't bad.
Now, serenity and acceptance. Notice how I went backwards? That wasn't by accident or backwards thinking. It was to make me feel better and put off the obvious fact that I haven't yet achieved serenity or acceptance. How do I know? One word. One horrible, cruel, demeaning, unnecessary, powerful, debilitating, irrational word. ANXIETY.
I think I described anxiety pretty well right there. Here it is again anyway. To me anxiety is horrible, cruel, demeaning, unnecessary, powerful, debilitating, and irrational.
It's not only all that to the sufferer but also to their family. That's why I couldn't continue suffering so much anymore.
It's no coincidence that munchkin really came out of his shell at daycare around the same time I began my medication. I am more relaxed, active, sociable, calm and involved than ever before. So is he.
I still have my bad days and I still get sick and worry sometimes. The difference is now I have the confidence to look myself in the mirror and believe when I say that I have nothing to worry about.
Now, I believe myself when I think that those who judge me do so because of their emotions and perceptions rather than my actions and beliefs.
Now, I believe that I am a good mother regardless of the amount of scrapes and bruises on my son because he got those living life, having fun, learning and being active.
Now, I believe that I'm a good person who deserves a good life with good people.
I still need to believe more but maybe serenity and acceptance isn't too far away.
*I mean no offence to religious people, scientologists (except Tom Cruise) or dentists.
For more about my anxiety go HERE.