Thursday, October 18, 2012

Gastro Anxiety

Last week I had gastro. It's doing the rounds and it's horrible. Worse than labour and that's all I'll say.

It did bring some unexpected side effects along for the journey. My anxiety went through the roof. I'm not sure if it was the tablets I took to help my stomach, the fact that it lasted longer than expected, not being able to keep zoloft down or that I was facing what causes my anxiety - not having any control over my bodily functions. Perhaps it was all the above factors. Regardless of the cause I still spent a few days in bed freaking the fuck out.

I almost cancelled flights I'd booked as I was sure I wouldn't be able to fly to and be in a new city all by myself.

I was sure I was giving up roller derby. Something I love and don't have any anxiety about was all of a sudden scaring the fuck out of me.

I convinced myself I was a bad mother, unfit to look after my babies. I questioned everything I did and was walking on eggshells. Eggshells I'd thrown thick across the metaphorical floor.

I was a mess. Thankfully I had amazing support that included the mister and my MIL. They helped more than I think they realise, looking after the children and myself. Helping with simple tasks and letting me recuperate.

A couple of days after the gastro visited I was fine. I didn't and don't think the above. Yes, I still have anxiety but it's managed to an extent. I hide away from certain social situations but I'm living. I wish I didn't have it at all, I don't think anyone with anxiety wishes it was in their life. It's horrible and I don't wish it on my worse enemy.
Vitamin D helps.
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14 comments:

  1. The hugest of hugs coming your way. Damn Gastro. Glad to hear you are on the mend.

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  2. Oh Ames, I know EXACTLY how you feel. Except my anxiety is directly linked to me then always having a 'gastro' feeling....therefore I get anxious in cars, will very rarely get on buses or trains, and have to drug myself up for planes. I'm glad you managed it well enough to go though xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anxiety is the pits :( Have had it for a few years now.

    Hope your getting back to normal. Nothing worse than not being in control xx

    ReplyDelete

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