Thursday, September 20, 2012

How To Not Be A Shit Neighbour

1. Don't play with your noisy toy helicopter outside our bedroom window. Especially not at 1am.
It's even worse if it's my child's bedroom because then we all get woken up. I don't have much dignity left after having children so I'm not afraid to go outside in my dressing gown to yell at you.

2. Say hello in passing.
I say hello, you say hello. Easier said than done so it seems. Looking at the ground does not make me disappear either, it just makes me more pissed at you.

3. Don't ask us to keep our child indoors before 8am as you work night shift. Especially if you don't work night shift.
If you're the same shit neighbour from number one and two I'm going to make sure my kid is outdoors making a shitload of noise from 6am.

4. Offer a nice gesture without insult.
Saying we can use your side of the garage to park our car is lovely. Saying it'd be easier because ours is full of shit/junk/rubbish is not so lovely especially when it's neatly packed with boxes, furniture and toys not shit/junk/rubbish.

5. Don't put signs up about each resident using their own bins not others then leave a heap of cardboard boxes in the bin area. Especially in the rain.
Did I mention WE had to clean up the sloppy cardboard mess as well? Your sign fails miserably if you're a shit neighbour. If you're not a shit neighbour we'd all be a lot nicer and more helpful.

6. If you live above your neighbour's courtyard try not to throw rubbish/dirt/ash/water/alcohol over your fence. Especially if you can see their clothes hanging out.
I hate washing. I hate washing clothes I've already washed even more. If you've made me double up on washing prepare for some insults to be thrown your way. In hindsight I should have given it to you to wash again seeing as you made it dirty.

7. Don't have parties EVERY weekend if you live in a complex. Parties during the week are just as bad if not worse.
I understand I live in a young uni student area but every weekend? I'm going to call the police if you turn up the music after I've come over with a toddler and a newborn to ask you to turn it down. This could also be filed under the 'You know you're old when...' list.

8. If you move out please take your animals with you. As much as I love your cat, I don't want to be responsible for it.
If you are going to leave your cat behind please tell me so I know it's being looked after. Every time it rains I wonder where that poor cat is hiding out. I'd much prefer if it was hiding out with me. Oh and cats love smoked salmon right?

9. Don't get the water to the whole complex turned off without telling the other residents.
Children need water especially a newborn on formula. I need water in my coffee. Putting a bucket of water down the toilet is NOT the same as flushing. Preparation and knowledge are fantastic tools.

10. If you're cleaning your car/bike/boat/quad please don't take over the whole driveway so nobody can get into their garages. 
We have bits of grass that are wide enough to clean a car/bike/boat/quad, I don't understand why they don't get used. Not only does it mean we can get into the garage, the grass also becomes greener. Win for all!


  1. Reading this makes me so grateful I don't live in a complex - I hope some of your pesky neighbours read this and take note !!! (Not much chance I know but you can always hope !!)
    Have a great day !

  2. Oh I feel for you Ames. We had a run of great neighbours over the last year years until last year. They are a family with teenage kids. The kids are always having parties. At first I thought the parents weren't home. But it now appears that they are. A little while ago the girls were having 'drinks' in there entertaining area which backs onto the kids bedrooms. The songs they were singing were so vulgar it wasn't funny. Hubby was gob smacked by it. They were the kind of songs you hear on footy trips. I can't tell you how mortified I was when I heard 15 year old girls singing about getting their 'tits out for the boys' and worse. Maybe I am getting old, but if my parents heard me singing those kinds of songs they would have shut the party down quick smart. I mean is this really what 15-16 year old girls are singing these days. And with their parents home, can you imagine what they are doing when the parents out around. I wasn't a saint as a teenager, but there were things I would never have done in front of Mum and Dad.
    Sorry for the epic comment. But I totally understand what it is like to have shit neighbours.

  3. Oh my god, just reading this list has made me angry, I don't think I could handle actually having to live with it!

  4. Yeah, all of this.
    We used to live in a unit (flat complex I guess?) and we had to put up with most of this. Having the tennants drop their full garbage bags down from their balcony and leave it sitting there most of the day until they could be bothered to take it to the bin was the worst. Especially as they had young kids in nappies *vomit* I didn't need literal shit sitting and festering in the sun outside of my balcony door all day.

  5. Oh yeah, had all of this over the past 2 years.... especially the neighbours washing their verandah on my washing below. I have stomped through halls in my PJs at ungodly hours chasing loud parties and yeah, hey it would be nice to receive smiles back. My boys even commented that the younger folk (in their 20's) never acknowledged us!.. even if we were in the lift with them. Manners maketh the man. Grrrrrr. A-M xx


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