Remember what you hated about high school? Not the school work or teachers, but the social aspects of school. The hierarchies, bullies, peers who wouldn't let you sit with them, girls who undermined you at every chance, boys who teased you about your appearance, when having big boobs was bad then having small boons was bad. You know the feeling where you just can't win? Nothing you do is good enough for the cool kids. Maybe you don't actually fit in anywhere; you aren't technical enough to be a geek, not smart enough to be a nerd, don't smoke enough to be cool, do too much work to be a slacker, don't care enough to be a perfectionist, don't like drama enough to be a drama queen, you get the picture. Unfortunately that doesn't end in high school. It happens in workplaces and the blogging world is no exception.
When immersed in the blogging community through the social media outlets we all love using (Facebook, twitter, blogs, forums) it can be easy to fall into criticising others especially if some are already doing it. Even more so if the "cool" bloggers are involved. It can be easy to forget that we all began with a sole reader; us, and have grown from there. It's easy to dismiss those "below" us and admire those "above" us but diss them if they ignore us. It's easy to believe the hierarchies and everything that should've been left back in highschool.
Businesses like Nuffnang, PR agencies and big companies don't help disperse the hierarchies either. They have a business to do, they want to reach the largest amount of people in their target audiences and know those who are influential. It's understandable and it's business. Except a lot of bloggers aren't blogging for a business, but rather a creative outlet, a way to interact with a wide community and make friends. Personal blogging is on the rise and the perks can be fantastic, but those perks you are receiving may be the downfall for another blogger.
Jealousy in blogging is rife. It's everywhere. Little snipes here and there. A nasty comment or a hundred from the same IP address on successful blogs. The saying is 'you haven't made it until you've had a nasty comment'. Unfortunately it's true. For some reason fellow bloggers, rather than be supportive prefer to leave cruel comments on certain blogs. Usually the more successful blogs.
Success. It's a word that could mean so much in the blogging universe. Success can be followers, page views, ads, comments, competitions held, events invited to, amount of time blogging and the recognition of other bloggers. Anything one blog has another lacks. Anything that one can be jealous of, also anything that can be found admirable.
We are all different. We all live our lives differently with different circumstances. It's true that we may all not get along, that happens in every aspect of life and it's ok. Suck it up, be polite and move on. Undermining, demeaning, defaming them and acting like a spoiled brat is not ok. Posting cruel comments on other's blogs is not ok. Ignoring them if they say hi at an event is not ok. Posting intentional, passive aggressive statuses is not ok. Treat others how you want to be treated.
We are woman, hear us roar. Together. Let's unite, give credit where it's due, put petty bullshit aside and support each other. Be positive rather than negative. If you have nothing nice to say, don't waste your time and someone else's by saying anything. Most of us have children, lets be a positive role model and show them that it's ok not to agree with someone but it's not ok to be cruel to them. It's ok to have different opinions because the world would be boring if we all agreed.
Well said! I am a bit oblivious to all the nastiness in the blogging community, but that's mainly because I've withdrawn a fair bit from the 'community' side of things as competiveness has always left a bad taste in my mouth.ReplyDelete
Unfortunately this withdrawal has come at the expense of my own blog and blogging motivation.
Trying to run your own race when blogging can be hard sometimes.
Oh I hope your blogging mojo comes back. Hopefully the competitiveness starts slipping away as I know a lot of bloggers are using the new year to take a step back and get back to basics.Delete
Thank you for commenting xxx
You said what has been on my mind for ages well said I do love blogs that share more about their lifes then testing this & that then doing a review on their blog about it.ReplyDelete
Not once have I come across a blog that has reviewed a product & said anything negative about it. I do like the blogs who rave about a product they like cause they have been using the product & haven't been put up to it by getting free stuff from the company they actually went out & brought it from the supermarket with their own money.
I also love blogs that share every day stuff & that. It seems blogging may just become a big money earner & the real reason for blogging may fall in the gutter, I personally hope that doesn't happen.
(((( Hugs )))) XXXX Kisses XXXX
Thank you for your kind words!Delete
I hate doing reviews because I feel that if I say something bad I'll hurt someone's feelings. That being said, I've been lucky to do reviews of stuff that I like. That's one good thing about blogging; you get to choose what you review and what you don't. I've said no to a few things that I knew weren't right for me and I'm going to be a lot more selective this year!
I hope that doesn't happen as well.
It's funny over the past few months there have been quite a few of these posts on blogs I read. And it's true. It is like high school sometimes. Although I have only witnessed a few little digs here and there, the feeling of "not being good enough" hits me.ReplyDelete
I have my little circle of regular followers. None of the "big" bloggers. But that's okay with me, because I know somehow they enjoy being a part of my little world. And I enjoy reading their blogs and being a part of their little world, the bonus being they have/make the time to respond to me when I comment on their blog. Rarely do you get that on larger blogs because the author just doesn't have the time to get through all the comments and reply personally.
Great post! xxx
Emailed you with a reply before Beck made me aware that blogger now had this reply option. I'm loving it!!Delete
Well said Ames!ReplyDelete
Thank you so much for making me aware of this option! I'd already emailed you with a reply anyway :)Delete
I had been thinking much of the same lately. It's gone from competitive to a little bit nasty. Don't agree? You CAN say something, but choose your words carefully, you don't need to tell someone their way of thinking is stupid just because you disagree.
Also, don't like a blog? You can unsubscribe at any time! There have been some blogs I've loved and then found that suddenly I didn't like the direction it was going so I *gasp* unsubscribed. It doesn't stop me checking over every now and then, but it does stop me feeling like I'm drowning in content that is rubbing me the wrong way.
I hate the competitive spin on blogging. They say competition is good but it makes me feel sick.
It has and you are so right! I've disagreed with bloggers before on twitter and Facebook and it has been anything but nasty. I just don't understand why people think they need to shut others down for having a different opinion.
Yep, I agree again; unsubscribe or simply don't read that post. We can't all agree or be on the same wave length and that's ok. You sound like you've got it all under control. If only more people followed your example.
Fantastic post Ames! I haven't experienced the negative side of blogging yet, but I have in social media and it does feel like being back at high school. People who indulge in that sort of behaviour need to realise that personal blogs are exactly that, PERSONAL, a reflection of the writer's own personal thoughts, beliefs and tastes,and consequently not every post is going to resonate with every reader. What they also need to realise is that when you insult a writer, they are basically telling them that all the time they've devoted to their passion has been a waste, making them feel about as big as a fingernail. That makes them no better than the schoolyard thugs who topped up their near empty self-esteem tanks by sifening from mine.ReplyDelete
I emailed you with a reply before Beck made me aware that blogger now had this reply option.Delete
Other than my own recent train wreck, I've not really been that aware of any of the 'other' stuff recently. I've always been slow to pick up on who likes who and who doesn't.ReplyDelete
But I'm easily paranoid and am quick to assume they all hate me. It's so vain really, that I should imagine they even know me, but there you have it. But I do know some bloggers who DO feel really upset at not being invited to events, not being offered the same opportunities as others. I wish that that wasn't the case.
I emailed you with a reply before Beck made me aware that blogger now had this reply option and I owe you an email which I'll reply to in a sec :)Delete
I have not seen anything between bloggers but do get the vibes of high school - and know i became insecure AFTER starting blogging LOL. I do agree with everything you wrote though and do know about negative comments even if they are not from other bloggers. When i see or hear about a nasty comment i just am stunned - if you dont' have something nice (or constructive) to say don't say anything.ReplyDelete
Totally agree Deb. Constructive comments are totally different to plain nasty, biting comments. I just don't get how they find the energy to post comments like that. I have trouble finding energy and time posting on the blog posts I love!Delete
I hope you don't encounter the nastiness that can be found.
I am adding your tips to my list! Great post.ReplyDelete
Thanks Mrs Savage! Your post was just wonderful!Delete
You've pointed out an undercurrent to blogging that I was not aware of until I dived in. It's hard to see from the outside unless you spend hours on blogs reading and commenting and on social media, even if you don't have one yourself. It was disappointing when I first came across it but at the same time, I reminded myself that it's part of everyday life, especially school, university, work, politics, etc., so why would blogging be excluded. I took off my rose-coloured glasses to be realistic about it all. Having said all that, I've not been caught in the cross-fire myself and have no desire to be.ReplyDelete
I agree with the sentiments you expressed; "Treat others how you want to be treated." and "Be positive rather than negative. If you have nothing nice to say, don't waste your time and someone else's by saying anything. Most of us have children, lets be a positive role model and show them that it's ok not to agree with someone but it's not ok to be cruel to them." Well said.
I emailed you with a reply before Beck made me aware that blogger now had this reply option. I'll be using this option from now on. It's wonderful!Delete
As in real life, I believe if you have nothing good to say.. don't say it at all. Unless you mean to give constructive criticism. I like this thoughtful post on topic though...ReplyDelete
Ai @ Sakura Haruka
Exactly! I agree 100%.Delete
You have said this really well. It *is* there and apparently it's prevalent. It's also a great shame. I keep right out of it, saying less than I ever used to the more the number of bloggers out there grows. My desire to be a good role model for my child doesn't stop when I log on....ReplyDelete
You've touched on a number of things that have played on my mind in the past. Now, I have come to just accept the fact that because I am not prepared to help anyone (including myself) make money by reviewing products or having badges on my site, I am going to be left out of, well, pretty much everything the blogging community in Aust. has to offer right now. My numbers have dropped right off because I'm also not schmoozing as much as I once used to.
I think once the newness of blogging for profit wears off, it will hopefully settle down and balance out. Perhaps it's a pipe dream that that day will come but for now, I'm committed to just continuing to write my heart out. Whoever comes (or comes across my blog randomly on any given day) for the ride/train wreck is welcome!
I emailed you with a reply before Beck made me aware that blogger now had this reply option. Blogger is finally getting better options!Delete
Very well written Ames. I'll admit I get jealous of others success, others comments and views. Most of all I get jealous of others content. I think "damn why can't I write like that?". Jealousy is a normal human emotion, whether its about your neighbours, colleagues or other bloggers. It's normal. But how you deal with that jealousy is different.ReplyDelete
You can be rude and ignore people, post hateful comments and act like a 15 year old teenager. Or you can behave like an adult, think to yourself 'what can I learn from this successful blogger?' How can I start writing interesting content, how can I branch out??
Bloggers put a damn load of work into their blogs, some reap the benefits, some dont. If it works don't change it but if it isn't working, it might be time to spice it up a little.
We are all adults is there really any need for childish behaviour?
It's so hard not to get jealous, I do at times too. You are on the money how it's all about how you deal with that jealousy. I agree 100% with your comment, thank you so much for writing/typing it.
Excellent post Ames! I still can't get my head around people who waste their time leaving nasty comments on people's blogs, keep your hatred to yourself, if you don't like it, don't read it, no one is being forced to read someone else's posts. I am fortunate that I have not encountered this yet, but then again I am only new on the scene too.ReplyDelete
I love your comment
"It can be easy to forget that we all began with a sole reader; us, and have grown from there."
The fact that some blogs are bigger or more popular is inevitable, its the same as everything else in life, but it doesn't make the smaller bloggers contribution any less valid. I say anyone that feels jealous needs to get over themselves!
I can't wrap my head around it either, the energy wasted!! I agree 100% with your comment. Thank you so much for making it.
Oh so beautifully, beautifully written Ames. I have been blogging for 4 years now and have only just recently received the nastiest comments ever from a fellow blogger. I must have made it hey? Unfortunately, I know who she is and she is as sweet as pie in 'real life', on her blog and twitter.... all the whilst accusing me behind the scenes (via a fake ID) of being a fake, and a fraud because I have not shared intimate details of my private life with my readers. Not only has she left vile comments on my blog, she has tried to leave nasty comments on my readers blogs... comments defaming me, my husband and my family. I say defaming because the information she is posting is both painfully incorrect and designed to damage mine and others reputations. The word is spreading like wildfire and I truly believe what goes around comes around. She's always banging on about karma on her blog. The irony is palpable! A-M xxReplyDelete
Thank you A-M!Delete
You'd made it before but now you are so hugely successful! Absolutely disgusting and undeserved. I hope it goes away really quickly and the blogger starts putting her energy into more worthwhile and positive sources.
Great post Ames! I'm only new to blogging and I'm seeing this topic pop up again and again. When I started my blog, my dream was to create a little community of like-minded creatives and to share a little glimpse of my life and also to share in others. Whilst I don't want to let it discourage me, I must admit it does make me a little hesitant to open myself up and make myself vulnerable to the nasties out there. It makes me sad that such a world exists.ReplyDelete
Don't let it scare you off blogging!! The community can be amazing and, thankfully, the nasties don't appear to be often experienced by many bloggers.Delete
Be yourself, those who don't like it will hopefully just click away without being nasty and those that do like it will support you no matter what! The blogging community can be just amazing and I feel blessed to be a part of it.
Unfortunately in every aspect of the world and communities nastiness will rise. As long as we don't succumb to their nastiness it'll be ok :)
An absolutely brilliant post Ames, you really have described the whole sordid side of social media.ReplyDelete
Very recently I 'made the grade' so to speak purely because I defended a dear blog/real life friend by commenting on her blog. Lo and behold I received a vile tirade trying to defame my friend. Of course I didn't publish this nonsense written by this author and her fake ID.
All I can say is beware of people who present themselves as something they are not, on social media and in real life.
At times the nasty side is revealed, one just needs to look closely and read between the lines. It is a strange world we live in Ames when author's of nasty comments and emails think they can hide in front of their computer screen and fake ID's indefinitely.
Thank you so much.Delete
Argh fake ID can be worse than Anonymous! It means more effort has been made to make the nasty comment - WHY!?
I agree, thankfully though there are more good than bad out there in our blogging community! Being aware is important as is holding ourselves higher than their low digs and comments.
Thank you for your comment!
Blogging is a vital part of many people's daily lives. It can consume people, that hunger to get stats or likes, or invites or PR items in the mail, it is all Gimme gimme gimme, in the fog of trying to succeed as a blogger they do whatever it takes and stand on whatever toes they need to. Many end up with blogger burn out after a matter of months though.ReplyDelete
I have been bullied behind the scenes of my blog too, it was a tough day at the 'office' and got me off guard and I whimpered away like a victim in the school yard, which annoyed me afterwards, I sat back for a few weeks and then just carried on, perhaps a little more guarded though.
If you ever ever see me begging to be invited to something via Twitter, please DM me and say WTF??
I agree and you've been a part of the blogging community a lot longer than I have. I hope you haven't been bullied again, it's so horrible to see fellow bloggers be bullied by people who wouldn't dare act like that in real life.Delete
Only if you do with me :)
Clairey, I whimpered away for a millisecond and then went straight to my lawyer who specialises in litigation and cyber crime! A-M xxReplyDelete
Good move A-M. The lawyer not the whimpering ;)Delete
Excellent post, and well bloody said! Sometimes people just need to grow up, or to think things over before they mouth off. I seriously wonder if sometimes the trolls look back and go " Freaking hell i'm a dickhead! "....ReplyDelete
Thank you Amy!Delete
If only they did, maybe in a few years. I always wonder what their family would think or what they would think if a family member did it...
I don't know what I can say that hasnt already been said! Well done!ReplyDelete
Obviously I haven't made it yet cause no one has been deliberately nasty ;)
I've only received minor nastiness. I like not making it :)
Well that's an eye opener! I haven't seen much of that yet but when I do, I'll be reminded of this post. All of the information we post on the internet may one day be available for our children to read. It's a sobering thought. Beautifully said Ames.ReplyDelete
Thank you. Beautifully said comment but I hope you don't see or experience the nastiness.Delete
I have seen this aspect on twitter & in reference to being "left out" of events because clients wanted particular bloggers. There is a same group (loosely termed ) who get selected to events & more.
It "used" to concern me until I real used I blog to:
- interact with others
- use my education & teaching experience to help others.
My blog has cost me about 30 times more than I have been paid to write sponsored posts.
So, I am a happy blogger, reader and commenter! That is my end product. Something I enjoy doing most days.
Good for you for raising this too, Ames
You've definitely found your place, why you blog and that is just wonderful! More need to follow your example and blog like you do!Delete
Thank you for commenting
great post Amy! And I LOVE your new blog design. Very pretty!ReplyDelete
Can't wait to see yours :)
Great post Ames. I, like Denyse have no intention of making money out of blogging, I do it as a hobby and to socialise and connect with others as my life has taken a few turns where I have lost the closeness I used to have with friends. I have noticed the cliques and I'm determined to not join one...as if they'd let me in!!!ReplyDelete
And Sass has done an awesome job with your blog. It is beautiful. x
What's that Woody Allen quote... "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me". LOL xDelete
Yep, that's why I do it too Lee. I love the bonuses of reviewing stuff and winning competitions but the money side just doesn't interest me (don't tell the mister).Delete
Thanks, Sass is pretty amazing!
Maxabella, that quote is PERFECT!!
Amen to that! xReplyDelete
Thanks for your comment!Delete
Really, there are some people out there who have far too much time on their hands if they feel the need to be negative about blogs. If you don't like a blog, move on! There are plenty more out there. I imagine that there are just some people out there who are so sad and miserable on the inside that they feel the need to try and make others feel that way as well.ReplyDelete
I love the first picture/quote - you're so vain! Brilliant :)
I agree, it takes a hell of a lot less energy to hit the close button and would make everyone's day a lot brighter!Delete
Some-ecards are so awesome!
Brilliant post Ames!ReplyDelete
I have kind of retreated from Twitter this past month. I got sick of seeing the snide remarks. I intend to go back, but needed a break.
Nasty comments on blogs that aren't at all constructive just don't make sense to me. If our kids did something like that they would be reprimanded, I can't fathom why a grown adult would think it was needed or appropriate.
Something else I don't understand is the posts written in the context of why I don't follow you on twitter; read your blog; like your facebook pages etc. Really who cares??
Oh and I will be sending you my blog post this weekend. Sorry for the delay!
A break is always good, refreshing even. I don't understand basic nasty comments either. You're so right about the kids.
No rush with the blog post, whenever you're ready :)
Great post, Ames!ReplyDelete
I've just read through most of the comments and wanted to say that blogging IS like any other industry, or workplace, unfortunately. The "office politics" are the same and the strategies you need to use if you want to "succeed" are the same. Unfortunately, some of those "strategies" are not nice and people can feel taken advantage of and then thrown aside.
The difference is that blogging is a lot more public and when you "backstab" someone, it is generally found out. And it does happen.
Like Denyse, I have to keep reminding myself why I blog and try to keep away from situations that irritate me. Put my blinkers on and do my own thing.
Unfortunately, it is - you are so right!
I can't believe the amount of backstabbing behind the scenes, it's disturbing. Luckily though I haven't experienced any of it.
I'm following what you and Denyse do, it's such sound advice!!
Maybe I have my head under a rock but I have never experienced or witnessed any nastiness in the blogosphere! I'm sure you are right though and I'm just relieved that I seem to gravitate to the kind and gentle...all of the negative stuff has only taken place in my own head and that I can deal with!ReplyDelete
Well written and interesting post though and obviously pinging with a lot of people, judging by the comments :)
Kirri, that's not a bad thing!! The more who don't have to deal with it or know it exists the better. I wish more didn't experience the nastiness and hopefully people will start pulling their heads in and not post any nasty comments.Delete
Thank you very much for your kind words.
yep! I decided a few years ago just to do my own thing and not worry about what other bloggers were doing. That's because a blogger who became a close friend turned nasty and jealous and decided to take it out on my blog with anon comments. I blocked the anonymous comments, stopped worrying about what she was thinking about my blog or life and got on with it. Best ever thing I did! confidence in yourself and doing your own thing is the best thing you can do and when it gets to you get off facebook and twitter, stop reading the blogs for a while and take a break!ReplyDelete
That's horrible Corrie. I'm so glad you didn't let it stop you from blogging or being yourself. Very powerful and admirable!Delete
I think breaks are wonderful :)
Thank you for sharing xxx
Great post, Ames. And interesting comments too. I've been around for quite a while and it's only been in the last year or so that there have been many posts like this, and I agree, I think the competitiveness has A LOT to do with Nuffnang and PR reps picking what they see as "the cream of the crop".ReplyDelete
There are cliques and A lists and in crowds. And, if we're being honest, it's the ones IN those groups who are saying that those in crowds don't exist.
I've had my fair share of nasty "anon" comments - it's taken me a while to not react badly to them. It still hurts but I blog for me, not for anyone else. If they don't like it, they can click away.
I blog my own race. If I get invited to things, great. If not, meh. I work my ass off earning the little money I earn on TGDM. But I'm not about to sell my soul, or trample other bloggers to get to where I want to get. I consider the bloggers I know as friends and if I treated my real friends like some bloggers treat other bloggers because of jealousy or whatever motive, they'd kick me to the kerb.
And I'm loving your new design! x
I'm sure I almost got whiplash from nodding reading the first two paragraphs of your comment!Delete
I think it's all about perspectives; blogging for self rather than others. It doesn't mean nasty comments won't hurt just like comments made outside of the internet can hurt, but maybe they aren't dwelled on as much as they would be otherwise.
Such a powerful statement and so true - 'I consider the bloggers I know as friends and if I treated my real friends like some bloggers treat other bloggers because of jealousy or whatever motive, they'd kick me to the kerb.'. I completely agree!
Thanks Tina, I'm loving the new design too :)
As an aside, relating back to the events yesterday, that is just not on. Personal attacks and threats are beyond high school.....ReplyDelete
I completely agree. It's sad that some people stoop that low.Delete
It's a shame the way things can escalate, and just like in highschool people will lash out at others based on 'what their friend' said someone allegedly did. Jumping on the bandwagon purely from association with someone, without knowing the facts (not referring to a specific event, just in general). If I see something like that, I tend to try and research the source of the issue so I can develop my own opinion, and see what it was that triggered the whole thing.ReplyDelete
The problem with the internet, is that when we write, emphasis and emotion doesn't read well; and when we read it can be affected by the mood we're in also. I know it's happened to me before, taking things the wrong way, and taking things personally, which is why I am more careful now.
In regards to yesterdays events, it sounds like things got way worse then what was on display to the public. Sneaky behind the scenes type of things irk me.
The comment that was made, while a fair comment, was made so generally that it would be easy for some to feel degraded by it. However, that doesn't make the repercussions of the offended any less distasteful. Some people really put themselves to shame yesterday, and I'm sorry for you A-M.
Just to clarify - I meant I'm sorry that that happened to you, and was referring to the nasty bloggers.Delete
See, doesn't read well lol
Yep jumping on the bandwagon irritates me especially when they know nothing about what has gone on - like 'I don't know what has happened but I just know you're in the right and I completely stand behind everything you have said/done'. Wrong.Delete
Oh I can't wait until the sarcasm font comes through :) I understand what you mean, it's easy for things to be taken the wrong way but even then I think there are appropriate ways to address that, lashing out and bullying is not appropriate in any circumstance.
I think what happened the other day should have been all behind the scenes and not so public. It's one thing to message someone and say you don't agree, it's a complete another thing to get your followers to attack someone.
Hahaha I knew what you meant :) Damn internets!!
Thanks for commenting, Liz.