|Sesame just born|
Sesame started off so well, latching on wonderfully from day one. Then I got mastitis which hurt like a bitch but thanks to medication and many hot showers it quickly disappeared. One day and night she went five hours between feeds which was bliss. One night she latched on wonderfully and didn't cry all night. Lately she's not latching properly, cries for ages and drinks more than what I have.
From 12am to 5am little sesame would feed every two hours for about an hour. Throw in crying for fifteen minutes each time and that's how little I slept (the boys were banished to lufflump's room and the fire engine bed). The poor mister works from 5pm to 11pm or 12am which meant he was beyond exhausted.
This went on for a few days before we were all at each other's throats and formula was discussed. One bottle of formula and it was amazing how better we all felt from a full five hours stretch of sleep. Love was back in the house.
My plan when will I learn that children and plans don't mix? was to give her one bottle a night so she is full and sleep through the night. That was until one afternoon she cried for forty-five minutes, didn't burp or fart, wouldn't latch or anything but scream. The mister gave her a bottle and she took to it happily drinking the whole bottle.
For something so natural how the hell can a bottle be better than the real thing? How can she latch so well to a bottle/teat and not a nipple?
I feel guilty. I hate it but after expressing for so long for lufflump and not for sesame, I can't help it. I'm trying not to feel guilty. I know I wouldn't be able to express full time for sesame as I don't have the luxury of time I had with lufflump. I am expressing one or two times a day (120mls each time) but she downs that so quickly and still needs formula straight afterwards. I can't keep up. Now I'm also bleeding each time I express which never happened with lufflump. I'm over the pain.
I see her crying, frustrated, desperate face grasping for a feed and I see her contented, happy, sleeping face after a satisfying feed. The first while breastfeeding and the second after a bottle. I know what I prefer; my happy baby, my happy family.
Have your breastfeeding journeys be successful?
I know exactly how you are felling. I went through this very thing with Campbell. But you are doing what is BEST for your baby. You are doing what works for the both of you.ReplyDelete
I hat how much pressure is put on us to breastfeed. Sometimes it just doesnt work. But that is OK.
Look forward to reading more of your journey :)
Thanks Beck. I hate the pressure too, if no one else is putting it on us it's ourselves. Not fair or helpful.Delete
The most important thing is that Sesame is healthy, growing and satisfied. My journey into breastfeeding wasn't successful the first time, but I had supply issues from day 1 and my milk never came in. Cue 3 weeks of a hungry, crying baby and a hysterical new Mummy. If my Mum hadn't approached the subject of formula, I don't know that I would have had the courage to do it.ReplyDelete
I was beating myself up so badly for not being able to 'be a real mum' by breastfeeding, I couldn't see the bigger picture - and that was doing what was best for our baby, not doing what every smiling, serene, super model Mummy in a magazine said was 'oh, so natural and amazing and what every mother should be doing'. Yes, for some people, breastfeeding can be that simple, but it's not a universal experience and that needs to be voiced, too.
There are lots of opinions out there, but only one opinion that really counts - and that's yours. No one knows your family or your baby like you do. Trust your instincts.
Please don't beat yourself up - I know it can be hard and Mummy guilt is the worst of all guilts we put upon ourselves, but at the end of the day it's about Sesame and you being happy and healthy. Because that's all that matters.
Good luck xx
Thank you so much Kel, you're so right.Delete
It's so weird that to adequately feed our children we need courage - that's insane. The same as the pressure. I'm sure formula is full of good nutrients and not full of sugar yet we act like it is. I've done it and still do it now as the pressure is ingrained in my head. Insane.
All we want is to feed our babies and for them to be healthy :)
Don't feel guilty hun ... what ever will be will be.... So long as Bubba and Mumma and everyone else is happy, that's all that really matters.ReplyDelete
Breastfeeding with Hannah came easily for me, but with my first daughter, well that is a completely different story!
Sesame is just precious!!! Congratulations! xo
You're right happiness is what's important and she is :)Delete
Thank you :)
I had issues with both of my kids and have had to use shields, express, etc. It's terrible that we have to feel guilty for doing what works and what is best. It is so so difficult managing expressing with an older child to look after too so please try not to beat yourself up or feel guilty. You're doing a great job xReplyDelete
It is terrible. For something so natural it should be easy for everyone!Delete
Thank you for your kind words :)
I totally agree. Do what works for you and your family. It's a stressful enough without feeling guilty. She's happy, she's healthy, you're maintaining your sanity. I think that in itself is the most important thing. You're doing amazingly xReplyDelete
Thank you so much. I hope we are doing what is best and what works, it is right now so I guess it is :)Delete
I did shields (oh the horror of the Early Childhood Nurses!) and expressed for both of my kids. I had 3 months supply in the freezer when I returned to IVF to try for no. 2. Let me tell you I was NOT so dedicated the second time around. Life gets in the way. There is no guilt in doing things differently to suit your circumstances!!ReplyDelete
Wow that is dedication! I was a cow the first time, could express close to 500ml four times a day. Not this time at all.Delete
If only I had a nanny so I could express in peace! Maybe then I would have been more inclined to continue...
Oh Ames, I am so sorry that breastfeeding isn't working for you guys. I had trouble breastfeeding Caden and he went onto a bottle full time at 4 months whereas with Mahli I breastfeed her until she was 12 months old. The only reason I stopped was because I started working full time and I couldn't express enough.ReplyDelete
With was breastfed until I went on my PND meds...
Do whatever works for you guys. Have considered seeing a lactation consultant?
Thank you, it sucks but she's happy now and still drinking A LOT!Delete
I spoke to a few friends who are lactation consultants but we just found out she's tongue tied like lufflump was and that's why they both had problems breastfeeding. Silly little tongues!
Don't feel guilty. You are doing a wonderful job loving her, nurturing her. What works for some doesn't work for others. Hey, I was Paediatric Dietitian (breast is best we all know) but I ended up working for a nastrogastric feed and baby formula company ...during which I saw the whole gamut of feeding problems. You are doing marvellously and she is content and thriving. Nuff said. Hey, I made it to three months with my 2nd and I was ready to jump out the window after persisting beyond sanity. A-M xxReplyDelete
Thanks A-M. If only there was a one size fits all for breastfeeding and it was the magnificent, no problems, wonderful stories you hear about.Delete
My breastfeeding efforts with both boys were so horrific they both ended in hospital stays for me. It turns out breastfeeding and I are a disaster. I struggle with severe PND, and somehow breastfeeding sparks things off much worse. I border on Post partum psychosis.ReplyDelete
My shrink speculates it is a result of the trauma of abuse as a child. I hate conceding that. Never, ever did I connect my children and my abuse in my head. There was nothing sexual about breastfeeding. I never consciously thought about it while I was feeding. But the overwhelming panic and "Get him off me" was too overwhelming to rule it out.
I feel like the world's worst mother admitting this. But for you, sweet girl. <3 I'm a huge proponent of breastfeeding. I believe it to be far superior. But I also know that sometimes it really just doesn't work out. As long as she is happy and thriving and you are staying sane and enjoying her, let noone make you feel bad. That includes your own voices.
Oh that sounds so traumatic for you, I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through that. It definitely doesn't make you the world's worst mother at all!! I think you're a fantastic mum.Delete
big hugs Ames - my experiences were mixed. I had terrible trouble working it out in hospital etc but Alice was a very efficient feeder so could take a whole feed in 5-10 minutes (15 was a long feed) and always in the top of the charts for growth so was definitely eating well. with some bottles when she finally accepted them we managed to make it to 13 monthsReplyDelete
with lulu we had problems right from the word go and the nurses dismissed me as i was a "2nd time mom" - it was one of the contributing factors in my PND as I struggled. finally at 3 mo in i switched fully to the bottle and felt horrible about it at the time. I hope you can be kind to yourself - each child and situation is different and there is so much pressure on parents to stick with breastfeeding.
Wow what a guzzler! Such bliss :)Delete
I don't understand some people's way of thinking especially professionals who are supposed to be there to help, the nurses taking that approach isn't beneficial to anyone!
Thank you, I'm being kinder as time goes on.
I had huge dramas with nipple thrush with number 1, (major ow!) but number 2 has been a really good feeder so far. I hope things improve for you with sesame... but like others have said, there is no shame in doing the best you can- even if it does mean formula. Circumstances are different, and so are your children, we can't expect ourselves to do everything the same for each of them. Just do your best and don't be so hard on yourself. But it will get easier- I found I came up for air and found 'normal' (whatever that is) much quicker the second time around than the first.ReplyDelete
Ouch that sounds painful. I'm so glad that number 2 is feeding well!Delete
Thank you. Her being tongue tied definitely doesn't help with the feeding. Hopefully we can try the breast again once her tongue is sorted out.
I'm very blessed in that I was an awesome cow, and never had a problem, but I did have multiple bouts of mastitis and I know that wasn't fun.ReplyDelete
We can't expect everything to be even for each child; life doesn't work like that. What does need to be consistent though, is how much you love them, and if putting her on formula is love then do it and don't feel guilty. It's much better for her to be well fed, healthy and in a much calmer environment, than hungry, with tired stressed out parents who are snapping at everyone (which would happen eventually.) Love looks different with each little person, and it's obvious that you adore this little princess. Xxx
Mastitis sucks. I was such a cow with lufflump but didn't have mastitis until sesame. I did express though, 2L a day at times!Delete
Oh the love is so there which I guess is why we jumped to formula quickly as she was getting so distressed. You're so right and she is so adored :) Thanks Jess!
My first baby was a nightmare to feed. She would keep changing her little mind about what she wanted. I would always try breast first then expressed in a bottle and then formula. She was tough. My second was a little breast feeding angel. RachelReplyDelete
I'm so glad you had one wonderful breastfeeding journey :)Delete
Are you me? It's 5.30am and I'm looking down at my baby who just won't go past 2 hour intervals at night. During the day she's fine, but at night, oh man. It also feels like she's not getting enough from the breast. And then there's the stomach cramps. Nobody told me how bad they might be, it's awful.ReplyDelete
Meanwhile, I can't believe you can find the time to post, I can hardly have a shower! What's your secret, I need to know!
Sounds like similar experiences! The stomach cramps were almost unbearable, I hope yours have gone now and breast-feeding can be more enjoyable. I also hope bub has worked out that night time is sleep time. Sesame is yet to fully.Delete
Hahaha I stay up way too late on the internet when the little ones are asleep and then nap during the day. A lot of caffeine as well! Believe me it's starting to catch up on me!
I'm sorry things aren't going as smoothly as you'd hoped in the feeding area. Have you spoken to a lactation consultant for advice? I had trouble with Miss T latching for the first 3 months and we used a nipple shield till she got it. Such a relief to find a solution. But having said that, you need to do what is necessary for Sesame to thrive. You are a loving mum and there's no need to beat yourself up about it. Breastfeeding is like a dance and it takes two to get it right. Sometimes it's just harder than at other times. Take care, Ames.ReplyDelete
Thanks Veronica. I have spoken to a few friends who are lactation consultants and we've just discovered that sesame is tongue-tied so we'll try breast again once that gets sorted.Delete
Thank you so much for your kind words, if only the dance was easier!
It's really hard, Ames and every baby is a new breast feeding journey. I wasnt successful with The Badoo. I expressed for 8 weeks, but she never took the breast. I was disappointed, but not guilty. We do the best we can and some things are not meant t be. xReplyDelete
I so admire you not being guilty. That's brilliant, I'm in awe.Delete
It's all about doing our best isn't it? That's all we want for our kids :)