Breastfeeding and I weren’t great friends when I had my son. After having midwifes and lactation consultants poke, pull and prod my boobs, we came to the conclusion it just wasn’t going to work. I’ll never forget the first bottle we gave my son, it was about 2am and after about 2 hours of me and Campbell crying. Hubby disappeared and came back bottle in hand. I was devastated, I cried for quite some time more while Hubby was reassuring me that it was okay and that I tried my best. But I was still heartbroken that I couldn’t provide for my son.
After we made that decision I felt like I needed to justify it to everyone. And no matter what we were doing it was still the wrong choice. People would give me the death stare at shopping centres when I went to heat a bottle. The same death stares I had gotten for feeding in public. I just couldn’t win.
This time was quite nervous about feeding, a lot of thoughts played in my mind, ones that I wish I didn’t have.
Would it work this time?
Would I have enough milk?
Would I be able to latch her correctly?
What were people going to think this time around?
What was everyone going to say?
I felt so much pressure to get it right this time and I hate that I felt this way, but I felt like I had to please everyone. So many people wanted to put their opinion forward, some were great and very supportive – others were pushy and made me feel so much worse for not being a successful breast feeder for my son and made me doubt my ability to do it this time.
I’m lucky, Charli is a champion feeder, it’s like she has been doing it her whole life (well she has when I think about it). She and I just work well together. We have had a crazy moment where I have milk going everywhere or she is gulping it down as quickly as she can but manages to make it come out her nose. But that is okay. This time I know that we will have an off day every now and then.
It isn’t going to be a success every day. It doesn’t matter if you breast feed for 3 weeks, 6 months or longer, Good on you! It is your choice how you wish to provide for your child. I just hope that you won’t feel like me and will do whatever feels right for you and your baby.
Beck is a mummy, a wife, a blogger and a part time worker. She blogs at The Rambling Mummy about everyday life. Wife to Ryan and a Mummy to 2 beautiful kids. She is yet to find the right balancing act for everything but loves writing about it along the way. You can also find Beck on Facebook, Twitter.