Warning; definitely a girly TMI pap smear post. Do not read if squeamish.
Today I bit the bullet. A big, uncomfortable, necessary bullet. I have to thank the amazing Glow for reminding me to do so with her post which made me angry on her behalf.
I made the appointment at a new doctors. One that were lovely on the phone when I enquired and also bulk bills. Two very important traits with this family, the latter especially when it comes to my health. How everything changes after the child exits the womb.
I haven't taken my medication in two days. It hasn't really stopped me from being anxious, I'm still getting sick before going out. Not all the time but most of the time.
For example, today. Sick as a nervous cat whose drunk too much milk as well as eaten too much grass. All because I didn't know what to expect at the doctors. Regardless of the fact I've previously had a pap smear. Scared. Sick.
What ifs going through my head. What if the pregnancy ruined my va jay jay? What if I fart in her face? What if it hurts? What if there's something visibly wrong? What if she's mean? What if I hate her? What if I get sick? What if the bed is uncomfy? What if the room is really cold? What if I see someone i don't want to? Yep, my what ifs are all over the place.
|What if my doctor was this guy?! (Brisbane Zombie Walk 2009)|
The mister and munchkin dropped me off and I went inside. I had to fill out a new patient form which I did so while sitting on one of the five leather lounges in the waiting room. I shit you not, they were so comfy too. One doctors surgery that I wouldn't mind waiting for a couple of hours; nap time!!
After that I waited a whole two minutes where I was called to my appointment ON TIME by my lovely doctor. She asked if a medical student could sit in. I've pushed a baby out, I have no problem at all. Mind you, if she was a bitch of a doctor I'd probably care but she was amazing.
I told her my concerns about Aropax and we discussed the pros and cons of other SSRI's before deciding TOGETHER on Zoloft. Holy shit. She was like a friend rather than a doctor. So kind, helpful and caring. I liked her glasses too.
Then came the icky part. The pap smear. She did a full check including breasts which I've never had done before. Everything checked out fine. It was uncomfortable but definitely nothing like pushing a 3kg baby out. I actually think I'll have regular pap smears now. Please don't shoot me when I confess that that was my second pap smear when it should have been my fourth. It's bad I know. My experience today makes me think I'll have regular checks. I'm not saying I enjoyed the experience but it's not as bad as cancer, duh.
I start my Zoloft tonight, half a tablet. My fingers are crossed that it'll be a lot better than the shakes and dizzy spells I'm having now on nothing.