That is over 730 days, over 17,600 hours of mothering.
That must mean I'm an expert*. An expert mother.
I must share my wisdom with you, my tips and know hows.
- When using cloth nappies always have a disposable liner in there. Preferably flushable. Poos can occur at any time, especially when unprepared.
- Just because you are cold in summer it doesn't mean your baby is cold too. Check your temperature before putting a jumper on the poor kid.
- Never show a toddler a movie or game on the iPhone. When you do it's no longer your phone, it's theirs.
- Sometimes it's ok to give a toddler apples for lunch and pears for dinner. Especially when it's a hell of a lot healthier than your lunch and dinner.
- The day you leave home without the nappy bag will be the day your baby spews and poos all over themselves and possibly you. They always know.
- People do not find it as funny as you do when you squirt them with breast milk straight from the source.
- As soon as you get to the Emergency Department a sudden burst of energy will hit your sick child.
- Children will love all the TV shows you hate like 'Grandpa In My Pocket' and 'Captain Mack'.
- Baby panadol is necessary for a parent's sanity.
- Drool isn't as bad as spew. Spew isn't as bad as poo. Poo isn't as bad as diarrhoea.
What are your expert tips?
*I am in no way an expert mother. I am not an expert of anything. Including my own child.