Saturday, May 21, 2011

'Expert' Mother

Munchkin is now two. 
That means I have been a mother for over two years. Everyday. Even those days I didn't spend with him, I was still a mother, still his mother.

That is over 730 days, over 17,600 hours of mothering.

That must mean I'm an expert*. An expert mother.

I must share my wisdom with you, my tips and know hows.

  • When using cloth nappies always have a disposable liner in there. Preferably flushable. Poos can occur at any time, especially when unprepared.
  • Just because you are cold in summer it doesn't mean your baby is cold too. Check your temperature before putting a jumper on the poor kid.
  • Never show a toddler a movie or game on the iPhone. When you do it's no longer your phone, it's theirs.
  • Sometimes it's ok to give a toddler apples for lunch and pears for dinner. Especially when it's a hell of a lot healthier than your lunch and dinner.
  • The day you leave home without the nappy bag will be the day your baby spews and poos all over themselves and possibly you. They always know.
  • People do not find it as funny as you do when you squirt them with breast milk straight from the source.
  • As soon as you get to the Emergency Department a sudden burst of energy will hit your sick child.
  • Children will love all the TV shows you hate like 'Grandpa In My Pocket' and 'Captain Mack'.
  • Baby panadol is necessary for a parent's sanity.
  • Drool isn't as bad as spew. Spew isn't as bad as poo. Poo isn't as bad as diarrhoea. 

What are your expert tips?

*I am in no way an expert mother. I am not an expert of anything. Including my own child.


  1. LOL! You can join the ranks of Best. Mum. Ebber's!
    Very sound advice!
    My most expert tip is to always ask yourself:
    "Is this fight worth it?"
    E.G. Is it worth fighting your child over her veggies? No, not really.
    Is it worth fighting your child to keep her clothes on in 0 degree temperatures? Yes. Always.

  2. Hahaha, agreed with the 'Grandpa In My Pocket', I hate that show...
    Couldnt agree more with the liners.. caught out too many times..
    Also, your gut instinct is almost always right.
    But so you know Ames, youre probably he only other mother I listen to.
    N & Stinkbutt

  3. Oh i know...I shouldnt have shown 20 month old a thomas the tank game on my annoying now! I wrote a similiar post about what expert knowledge I gained from getting my first 3 boys through to the primary school years to help me parent the next 2! hope you dont mind me adding link but too lazy to rewrite but think that just like yours their are some useful tips!

  4. Awesome wisdom.
    I can't add much to that. Maybe just:
    Whenever you want and/or need a sleep in, your child will wake you at the crack of dawn covered in spew or poo.

  5. Ok, I think a new post needs to go up with all your added wonderful wisdom! They are all so true!


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